Thursday, May 26, 2011

Indicium: Confessions of a Metal Junkie

With Games Workshop's announcement and launch of their Finecast line of miniatures, gaming blogs have been ablaze with pundits opining about the move to resin. The general opinion seems to be that metal models bad, resin models good, with sundry well-meaning rationales following in an orgy of TL;DR. Well I am here to say (write) that all those pundits and talking heads are wrong... so very, sadly, maddeningly, pathetically... well, uh, wrong (just kidding, you guys are totally rad - no, really, rad, I mean it).

Where are the posts espousing the virtues of metal models?! Their ineffable pointiness, bendiness coated in a fine film of mold release cracked fresh from a blister pack, slotta base just waiting to be... uh, well slotted. In the vein of a true metal junkie, I was driven to post in defense of our old friend!

A single pose, two (maybe three - madness!) piece metal model let me obscure the lack of talent required to clip out and assemble the multitude of tiny, plastic parts required to construct even the most basic mini. Look at our friendly, neighborhood space marine - requiring no fewer than eight separate parts to complete the simplest model, he is an exercise in sliced, sticky fingers resulting in the ultimately futile adhesion of manifold parts that never line up quite like the box cover depicts. Why would I ever want to subject myself to the misery of incessantly cleaning sprue cuts and mold lines when I could simply grip the heft of a metal model and scrape a Husky straight edge, razorblade across any raised points guaranteeing a reduction in overall detail and clarity of the model? Why would I ever not want to even consider not doing that?

And now I have to suffer with brittle, resin models, sold to me in bulletproof, clamshell, slice-your-fingers, plastic blister along with a collectible trading card! Clearly resin is infinitely inferior to metal when it comes to chucking a model across the room at the annoying, unchaperoned ten year old screaming his head off at the cashier for not letting him fondle the Golden Daemon quality models hidden so tantalizingly close behind fingerprint-stained glass.

I realize that resin allows simple conversions by dipping the model in boiling hot water then gently twisting it into whatever pretzel shaped customization that your little heart might desire. Straightening metal models was always so difficult given that you had to do it using room temperature air and your naked fingers. Recounting the number of times I strained my delicate digits in this process is both a shaming and unspeakable exercise in humbling, debilitating, humiliation! I mean... room temperature air - the horror, the horror!

Speaking of customization, why would I ever want to improve on the perfection of modeling that is the Games Workshop sculptors? What level of hubris and ego would dare to tarnish the amazing grace and perfectly poised dynamism of the original sculpts? Just look at how these new "fine"cast resin sculpts lend themselves to whatever conversion your little heart might desire. With single piece bodies and separate arms, you can point the arms up or down or even parallel to the ground! And don't get me started on the innumerable positions made possible by a separate head...

So don't meddle with my metal, don't aggravate my alloys, don't piddle on my pewter... these are my static, mono-pose, multi-stripped, toy soldiers and they will quite physically crush your finecasts into a highly toxic, finely granulated, resiny grit of... resin right before your horrified, tear sheened, gamer-doe eyes!

Oh yeah and the photo is of my friend's former band, Durga Temple, rocking the Fairfax, Virginia metal scene for a goodly chunk of the 00's.

1 comment:

Old Shatter Hands said...

Love it. This really gave me a chuckle.